I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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