why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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