he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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