Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
