ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ketchup is God's man juice
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i've created a new STD.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize