He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
