i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize