If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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