At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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