I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
