he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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