Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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