Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
