There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
