Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
