But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
