apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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