I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
