Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
