well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
