I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
