I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
