I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
