I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
