I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize