Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
