Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
