but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
