I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
