I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize