I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
