dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
