the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
