before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
