I'm jealous of your bromance
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
