and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
this is an emotional support booty call
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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