There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
