3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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