i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
