Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
