i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Too much gin, very little bucket
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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