Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
