Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
