They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
