he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
