I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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