so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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