i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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