do herpes really smell.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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