His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
