problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The Olympian is in my bed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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