She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
