I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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