i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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