I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
