He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
