Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
