i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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