I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
