so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
