I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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