I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
