Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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