It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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