I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
barbara walters just said penis...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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