Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
