Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
