Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
