TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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