Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Less talking, more tequila
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
