My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
