I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
