I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
