he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
