left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
